Sex - Dealing with Diversity

updated 2 November 2002

This article was written, by request, for the Intranet newsletter at Worth School, a private Benedictine school in Sussex.

I'm not here to preach, but I'd like to reflect on single-sex environments. They're different aren't they? There's this tension, the feeling of something deeply desired being not there. Girls.

Actually I'm hoping we can talk about boys.

You see there's this other tension in the dorms, a doubt tinged with curiosity. Is so and so gay? Well don't come near me then! But reflect, for a moment, on the possibility that so and so is gay. How do they feel? Can you imagine it? There is no way they can possibly talk about their feelings or even mention a big part of who they are to anyone at school when there's such a negative vibe. They are also quite probably afraid of talking to their family about such feelings. So and so might feel like he's living a lie.

Imagine for a moment, that you were the only one in the school who liked girls and talking about them was taboo. It's hard to imagine with things like FHM and Loaded lying around, but try. Who would you talk to? Wouldn't you feel trapped? Try to understand because everyone needs to explore their sexuality. In fact nobody is 100% straight or gay, we're all a mix of varying proportions and there may come a time when you want to explore the less dominant parts, whether they are hetero- or homosexual. (You probably don't believe me, but it's true.)

Remember that every time you say someone plays football like a 'poof' or complain about a 'gay' essay you have to do for tomorrow you are hurting someone who just as much a valid person as any of you.

In fact discrimination, direct (by not giving them a job because they are a certain way) or indirect (by using terms like 'gay' or 'homo' as a general insult) is illegal. If you go to work in any company worth its salt and treat ethnic groups, disabled people or people of different sexualities in a derogatory manner you'll be fired so quickly your head will spin.

But why does this homosexual tension appear so strongly in single sex environments? I would argue that it's a number of factors: Firstly teenagers often have a fear of being different, they want to fit in with their peers. Being gay would involve being different and so many people fear expressing this or accepting it. For some it is threatening to think someone you live in close proximity with for extended periods of time could like you in a sexual manner. It complicates relationships and adds a new social dimension which we are unsure of how to handle. Finally it is in our teenage years that we become sexual individuals, it is the newest part of one's identity. But in a single sex environment the only way to express this is through bravado and macho talk over a copy of FHM. How can a gay guy participate in this expression without threatening his peers who are only just beginning to explore their own sexuality? It's a tough challenge which adds to the tension.

But as mature and responsible people in a free society we have to deal with this throughout our lives. For example, when you go to universities you will be plunged into a wonderfully diverse environment. You'll get the Christian Union trying to get you to read the bible every waking moment of the day. Then the Marxists and Socialist Workers' Party will move in to sell you their newspapers as well as their opinions. Additionally there will be campaigns by environmentalists, anti-racism activists and so on. More importantly you will probably be living with about four blokes and four girls. Now let's say one guy is gay and one girl is lesbian, the rest being straight. Imagine all the possible combinations for people fancying each other... it's a large number and hardly anyone will be attracted to the people fancying them but life has to go on. You will be living in an environment where a bloke might fancy you, you might fancy a girl who fancies a girl who fancies a guy who fancies a guy. If you see what I mean.

Where am I going with this? Modern society is extremely diverse, we all need to work at being more understanding participants. The key is keeping an open mind, not just to sexuality, but to everything.